The Duel
by DiabloCat
Summary: A silly piece of humour by yours-truly. The title pretty much explains it all.


DiabloCat: A silly little humour piece concocted on a whim. This is the result of what happens when I get a stupid idea and try to make it go somewhere.

THE DUEL

"He did WHAT?"

Tom Sawyer nodded gravely. "Yep, that was my reaction too. I've tried to talk him out of it, but he's not listening."

"He'll get himself killed!" exclaimed Jekyll.

"Are you saying that's a bad thing?" asked Mina. "Besides, Nemo isn't going to murder one of the League. He'll just beat him up."

"What if there's an accident?" worried Jekyll. "Nemo could get carried away! You've seen how he is!"

"I'm sure they both know what they're doing..." started Tom.

"Tom! SKINNER challenged NEMO to a SWORD FIGHT! DOES THAT SOUND LIKE THE ACTIONS OF A MAN WHO KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING?"

Tom looked completely taken aback. "Whoa, calm down Jekyll! Sheesh! I mean, I know Skinner's not the most sensible of guys..."

"You can say that again," muttered Mina.

"...but he's not totally insane. There's no way he would do something that would get him killed. He's not that sort of person."

"But why?" Jekyll asked, hands raised to the roof as if pleading for some form of sanity in the world. "Why would he do such a thing? He can't even hold a kitchen knife the right way round!"

Tom shrugged. "Maybe he's been practising."

"Don't be stupid Tom," said Mina. "Skinner doesn't have enough patience to practise."

"True," Tom mused.

"Did Nemo accept?" asked Jekyll urgently.

"Dunno. Skinner told me, and then went off to find the captain."

"We have to stop him!" cried Jekyll. "He'll be killed!" The doctor tried to stand up, but was yanked back down by Mina.

"Henry, get a grip. Like Tom has already pointed out, Skinner is the last person who would put himself in peril – his sense of self-preservation is too strong for that. And Nemo is the last person who would willingly kill an ally. They probably won't even duel with proper swords."

Jekyll was practically hyperventilating. "What will they duel with then? Carrots?" He suddenly trailed off, eyes glazed, muttering to himself.

Tom looked at Mina helplessly. "What's the matter with him? Something's wrong. Listen to him!"

"Mumble, mumble, mumble...maybe cauliflower...no, too round...cucumbers?"

"I think he's finally cracked," said Tom, staring at the doctor.

Mina surveyed Jekyll sceptically. "No, he's just in shock, I think."

"Why in shock? I mean, the whole thing's stupid, but it's not that bad!"

Mina shrugged. "I don't know why he's gone like this. But I do know how to get his out of it." She drew back her hand, and suddenly slapped Jekyll full on the face. The doctor's eyes cleared instantly.

"What was that for?" he shouted angrily, holding a hand to his stinging cheek.

"For being an idiot!" Mina retorted. "You are completely over-reacting."

Jekyll took a deep breath. "Sorry. You are right. It's just that...I had a friend. He was killed in a duelling accident. Skewered through the middle. There was nothing I could do."

Tom placed a comforting hand on the doctor's shoulder. "Hey, calm down. Nemo's too good to accidentally kill someone. The only danger is if Skinner somehow manages to stab himself."

Jekyll started hyperventilating again.

Mina shot Tom a warning look. "But that won't happen, WILL IT THOMAS?"

He caught on quick. "Uh, no, of course not. I was just joking. Ha ha..." He trailed off lamely.

Suddenly the door burst open. An excited looking sailor stood there, eyes wild. "Captain Nemo is duelling against Mr Skinner!" he gabbled. "Quick! You must see!"

Jekyll put his hand over his face with a groan.

"Come on, we might as well go. Then we can at least shout words of caution from the sidelines," said Mina, dragging the doctor to his feet.

Out on deck, several things became apparent at once. For one thing, they WERE duelling with real, perfectly sharp swords. For another, Skinner was naked. You could only see a sword floating in midair, facing off against Nemo.

"Hello, about time you got here," came Skinner's cockney accented voice. "You've just made it. We're about to start."

"You're going to duel – naked?" Jekyll's voice sounded rather high-pitched.

"Yup. It's fair that way. Nemo's a better fighter, so I get to use my ability to even up the score."

"Nemo, surely you haven't agreed to this madness?" demanded Mina. "Letting an inexperienced fighter duel without protection?"

Nemo shrugged. "It was Mr Skinner's idea. I am merely going along with his request."

The floating sword waggled about dangerously. "Enough talk! On guard, Nemo!"

Jekyll gave a strangled squeal as the two swords clashed. The three members watched in fascinated horror as Skinner and Nemo twisted and turned, locked in combat.

Skinner was putting up a fairly good fight, when, suddenly, disaster struck.

Nemo's sword drove forwards. There was a scream from Skinner. The sword pulled free of the former pirate's hand, and hovered in midair for a moment, before clattering to the ground, along with the fallen invisible man.

Tom and Mina gasped in shock. Jekyll staggered backwards, eyes rolling wildly. The worst had come to pass. Skinner had been stabbed by a stray thrust from Nemo's blade.

Suddenly, laughter rang out from the patch where Skinner was lying. It started off softly, and then rose until the supposedly dead thief was positively roaring with laughter. Tom and Mina just stared. Jekyll went entirely white.

Nemo was chuckling too. He walked over and reached out his hand. Skinner grabbed it and hauled himself to his feet, still cackling. The pair walked over to the rest of the stunned League.

"Oh God, you should have seen the looks on your faces," said Skinner, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. "It was classic!"

Mina stared at Nemo. "What...?"

Nemo smiled. "It was Skinner's idea. A little prank to help raise the spirits aboard the Nautilus. I would stab forward, and Skinner would grab the blade and make it look like it had stabbed him. I don't suppose any of you noticed that there was no blood?"

Come to think of it, thought Tom, there had been no blood. The scream head been rather fake. But he'd been so surprised, he'd forgotten those things.

"Ah, that was the best prank EVER," crowed Skinner. "We had you guys completely fooled!"

There was a THUMP as Jekyll collapsed to the floor in a dead faint.

"Hey, what's wrong with him?"

THE END

DiabloCat: Yep, that's it. One of my traditional weird pieces with a bizarre end. I didn't actually know how I was going to wind this up at first. I just had the idea: someone challenging Nemo to a sword duel. Then worked out who would be crazy enough to do it, and WHY they'd do it – the result is this story.


End file.
